Well it’s been quite a while…

Incarnational Love: You can’t impart it. You can only become it. This is good news to the poor. This is good news to the broken. Mama Aida spoke to us about those who hunger and thirst for righteousness. These ones will be filled. Filled with incarnational love. I don’t have it, God. I just don’t. I can’t and yet you are asking it of me. Think of something else that You can use me for.

I don’t know what was happening to me… but tears were streaming down my face. This school has been a school of tears for me… for so many reasons. And I was the only one crying. I felt so embarrassed because I am used to people crying in church but it’s usually corporate on some level. God, it was just me. How humiliating. I have always wanted to be called out. Big speakers come to our church and they get called out before they speak and prophesied over. I thought to myself… “One day, God, I will get called out. One day.” Well that day came. June 20, 2008. Heidi saw the Spirit on me and she turns straight to me and says, “Jesus is asking you, ‘Will you drink my cup? Will you enter into my suffering, Beloved?’” She is good at singling people out for an example. But this was no example. A couple minutes later in her sermon she turns to me again and says, “Honey, Holy Spirit is ALL over you. You are called to feed the poor. You are called to drink that cup and feed them Jesus.” And I just began to weep. I was so afraid. God, this isn’t what I meant by being called out. NO! I AM poor! I have nothing! She just put her microphone down right then and there and came over to me and wrapped her arms around me and rocked me back and fourth. Through tears she told me how she saw Jesus handing me the cup and giving me His flesh and saying, “Take this, my Beloved, eat it and give it to my children.” All these people came and surrounded me in prayer.

I was the only one in the whole room that got touched by You and it was so urgent that you even had Heidi interrupt her message to speak it out in front of everyone. I felt so sick. Finally called out…. To what? I am so empty God. Help me. Then she told me that I am to preach. I am to give them Jesus.

Here I am…