God break our boxes... Do not let us be arrogant about your grace and your gifts...

The other night I was in a corporate worship service in the South Bay. I was so excited to worship... I was full of expectation. After Mozambique, it's easy to full of expectation. So I rush up to the front and I'm getting all ready for my Jesus to show up. And you did. Of course. You never disappoint me. You met the expectation in quantity... but quality? This wasn't what I was expecting. At all.

Kim Walker, the worship leader, puts out a call of breaking out of our boxes - that you want to break us out this night. Boxes? I have none. :) Yeah well seriously, God. I am not wading by the shore anymore. I mean... I am fully in this. I have jumped in the river... so much so that I have been spit out into your vast ocean of no turning back. What box? This message is for everyone else. Not me.

And I grappled with the Lord about that for a minute. But suddenly I get caught up in a vision or something - I don't what it was except that it was real. And really scary. I was floating in the middle of the ocean. I was completely submerged by water - I was in this. It was incredible. I could even feel the weight of the water around me. So I was just enjoying watching the fish swim and all the life of the ocean move about in fluid unison। I was so sure of myself. God I know so many other who are still just standing on the banks contemplating getting in the river. And you tell me amidst my complete submersion in water that I am still in a box? What box, Lord, please!

And then I am pulled outside of myself. At first I see nothing wrong. There I am in the middle of the ocean. I have scuba gear on and two tanks of oxygen and a mask. I am perfectly safe. No water is even touching me. I am perfectly safe... safe; with air from above. I am still living in my own reality while I try to delve into this mysterious world. I start to notice that I can't interact with the fish. I can only observe them. The only fish that pay attention to me are the curious ones and then they move on. But I cannot become apart of this world so long as I look like this and operate like this.

After this, I come back into reality for a moment. When I open my eyes I see blurry people everywhere. It still looks like I am underwater. Then I hear Kim's voice come back into my head. "We need to break out of our boxes. So God I speak a breaking of all the boxes in this room right now." At that moment, I feel my oxygen tanks on my back burst with such a violent explosion in the vision that in the natural my body actually surges forward. There goes my oxygen. Now I am back in the vision. I actually start gasping for air even in the natural. Water began to engulf my lungs. I thought I was going to die. In fact, I did. The only thing that remained was this ball of light which was my spirit. I saw that inside of that ball of light was another ball of light which was my soul. My spirit managed to save my soul and with that I saw a translucent body form over the two lights. It was my new body. It was completely pure and it was mermaid like.

After this, I noticed that the all the sea life came to me and was able to interact with me. I wasn't a foreigner in the ocean anymore. I wasn't just IN THIS. I was apart of it. I could swim with them - fast and fluid.

God! You want me dead! You want to give me more of yourself.

No matter how far we have come, Beloved, He wants to brings us to glories beyond this earth. He moves us from glory to glory. Ah! There is always more! We need never become complacent in the former revelation because the latter revelation awaits us around the corner just up ahead. But we must die to ourselves and never become arrogant with our little revelation. Though we have changed much - He yearns to perfect us to be more like His son. Who knew that swimming in the middle of the ocean was not enough for Him? It wasn't enough for my spirit.

He bids us come and die...

For the Hungry:

O God of our hearts, Move us beyond the milk of our infancy. Mature and strengthen our temples to hold the solid food of the Kingdom.

Hebrews, the 6th Chapter: “Therefore, let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity, not laying the foundation of repentance from acts that lead to death, and of the faith in God, instructions about baptism, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment. And God permitting, we will do so.”
(Vs.1-3).

These are the elementary teachings… these are what He considers the MILK of our faith.
Is this revealed to us, that we might press further into these things- the movement beyond instruction to action being the solid food? Or is there something more? God, what is Solid Food if this is all Milk?

As I was asking this question of my Father, I was drawn into a vision: It was midnight and there was a call. Suddenly a host of angelic forms surrounded me and lifted me up to the Heavenlies. It was never said, my heart knew that it was the appointed time for the feast… the Wedding Banquet because I was dressed for it… even though I had been asleep when the call came. As the gates opened before me, I caught wind of the most wonderful aroma I had ever smelled. My heart beat faster at what incredible feast must be awaiting. As I entered the Banquet room, I looked at the table before me….and what my eyes beheld was My Jesus lying on the table. He was the feast. Ha! He was the portion. He was the appointed feast my heart had been groaning for this entire time.

The following day, I had another vision: It was midnight again. Everything that happened in the first vision happened in the second vision. Except when I got to the gate to the Banquet room, the doors opened and instead it was the Bed Chambers of Jesus! That was the feast!

Could it be that the Solid Food that we are being moved into is the revelation of His lovesickness for us and our portion is the movement of His lovesickness for us propelling our hearts into a deeper lovesickness for Him that we have never felt, heard, tasted, or known before? Could this be our Solid Food. It’s not action – its not works, fruit, ministry… it’s Him. He is our food.

If we don’t surrender the Milk and its physical manifestation of it’s nourishment to go after true Solid Food the Milk will only sour. O God, feed us Yourself. You want to give us more of Yourself.

Without revelation of this Solid Food, we will not be able to offer Milk to anyone else.
This is the OIL of the virgins who slept though their hearts were awake. This is the revelation of Elkana’s love for Hannah though she was barren. We must get this. Maturity is not found in ministry of resurrection or healing or church planting or anything that speaks of fruit on our trees… Maturity is found in the Secret Place with Him; with Jesus, our Solid Food. The Pursuit of the Knowledge of the Holy… Our Lover… that’s what I am after.

So much lies ahead... good things. His new mercies every morning have brought new revelation every morning. I am blessed. 

But O how love is pain. I ache at random times where sweet memories of dear friends in Mozambique hit me and fill me with a longing that cannot be reached. Sometimes I wonder if the season of tears will ever leave me. Other times I pray that it doesn't. It hurts to feel this love... but to be severed from it would be to be severed from Him and His heart. Love is found in sacrifice... I don't understand this. 

Many are invited

Few are Chosen

Even fewer will rest on His chest...

God I claim that spot. I want you more than the table you spread before me. You are my feast. 

June 30-2008

Standing on the edge of the Indian Ocean... I hear Your voice beckon me.
I'm standing there waiting to be touched; full of expectation - knowing I won't leave without a touch from you.
I've seen your waves come past these rocks before, but now they faltar as if to tease me।
I hear you... your saying "Come in, Beloved. I dare you."
The water is there, and I came. Won't you meet me half way, my Lord? Won't you honor my expectancy?
But no. You want all of me. It will cost everything. Even my sanity. "But I want it all."
If you want it, come get it.
And I step in. One step at a time. And you draw me in like breathing my oxygen right out of me until I am gasping for air - desperate for life and its Giver.
I come all the way and I can't go back. Your waves cruise over me and now I can do nothing but go further in. It's my delight. Yes. No turning back.

Its has to be You. Thats all I want.

And if it takes forever...
she will swim the deepest of waters
to find her precious heart.

And so the story goes
that when she found her heart,
the flowers blossomed...
and her wings began to grow!

of course there is alot to process...
so as things come I will share.

The only thing I wanted, God, was to come back a different person. I have always struggled with being under the spell of fearing man. Why? Why do we struggle with the thoughts and perceptions of this world upon us? It's so stifling. But Sweet Friend, by your love, you have liberated me. You have called me Yours and have declared that in Your eyes alone, I find my value, my purpose, my home...
I have been so afraid for so long to love. Yes I have no love without You. In and of myself... what could I possibly offer. But in and of You who is in me - faithfully in me and never leaving me - I have inherited the greatest love known to mankind; An unconditional, sacrificial, everlasting love. Oh how wonderful it is to be your Beloved! I have been so afraid to recieve it and so afraid to give it. But this whole trip has spoken nothing short of Your incredible affection for me. It consumed me and engulfs my core - Your core. O, I am Your dwelling place, Sweet Prince who has saved my heart.
I have become so secure and drenched in your love that all fear has scurried from me before I could even speak against it. "Perfect Love casts out fear!" Ha! It's true. So true, My Love. And now... I praise You Jesus because now... I am not afraid anymore. I am not afraid to love. I have such wonderful love to give! And I am not afraid to recieve it.
I was worshiping one night with my Mozambican friends - just enjoying the atmostphere of family... one day EVERY tribe and nation and tongue will worship as one... I was worshiping with them and I decided to turn around and face the stars in the sky... they were brilliant that night. As I was worshiping You - this incredible realization of old came over me; You brought me here - - - ALL the way to Africa ( my childhood heart) just to be with You. Really--- Just to be with You. Thats the whole point. I became flooded with your love at that moment... a deeper revelation that cannot merely be spoken but felt. And I knew in that moment that something had broken over me. Fear was gone.

I praise You forever, my Jesus! My heart sings with wings to You. You are faithful to restore our broken hearts... faithful to restore the very wings we were spoken fourth with... I praise You.

I want to run after your beautiful feet even if I watch them trample all my dreams and blessings on the pathway…

You are SO worth it.

Let me be unaffected; but only that I may be entranced with the Beautiful feet of my Savior – that I will follow like His little lamb.

Kill me, O God. Wreck me completely that I might have nothing left but you. Don’t let me aspire to change because of people.

Make me Holy, undignified, and dead before you – Free and gentle and alive within you.

I do dream of security – but only in You will I be secure.
I do dream of love – but only in You will I know the meaning.

Make me true – that nothing false may be in me or upon me or about me.

Processing....